OUT

I guess I've always known I was gay. I realize that it is something I always knew, sort of a silent understanding with myself, but life went on, and growing up I never made it a big issue. I felt different from a very early age...I didn't have feeling for girls other than close friends, but whenever I saw a cute guy, I would feel extremely attracted to them. I had always known that I liked men. I knew I liked their bodies. When I was 19, I saw Dima(Russian boy) for the first time, I saw him from across the room and I knew I like him a lot. I looked at his dark hair, green eyes wonderful 19 year old body (he was in my English class) and I knew. I felt like I could see through to his soul, that we could really feel each other. But at the end, we never talked about how I felt toward him. He was totally straight boy. I graduated and never saw him again...

I came out to my sisters about a week ago.They are all very supportive. My dad is sad because he thinks me being with a girl would be more beneficial, I haven't exactly said, but he knows. My mom passed away but i think she would be sad too because I don't think she wants people to know she has a gay son. They still love me, I am the same guy they raised, and I try to make them proud in other ways. I think that sometimes the hardest thing is to accept yourself, but once you do, it will make you happier. I remind myself everyday that it is not wrong to love another human being. God put us on this earth to love, we should be proud we can love just as strong as anyone else, if not stronger. Coming out to friends and family is a huge step. I feel it is good to make sure the timing is right. Even waiting til your out of the house and on your own, unless you feel it would be better for you to do it sooner. I just know that with me, coming out at the age that I did is lots better than in the last 10 years for many reasons.

Coming out is not an easy thing to do, but, it's way better than stay in the closet for the rest of yours life.... Keep your chin up! Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.

xoxo