SunShineHBB

August 06 2012... we met... on facebook.

• Conversation started August 6, 2012
• 

  5:23pm
  

  Fred Johns
  

  
  

  Hey -
  I see we have a few mutual friends, but have we met?
  

  Fred
• 

  8:22pm
  

  Hai-Ree Tieu
  

  
  

  no we never met. just thought u r a cool guy lol
  I'm Hai, nice to meet you lol.

  may i ask Ru gay?
• 

  10:13pm
  

  Fred Johns
  

  
  

  I see - well maybe I'll see you around one day.
  

  The answer to your question is a secret 

   Week has passed and we decided to meet up and me- I like it longgggg timeeeee... 
... That first day we met; it was so lovely and easy.  Nevertheless, ours chemistry was amazing, we just clicked.  I didn't expect how nice and kind you were to me. the first date was really short but it was the nicest date i have had in a very long time...hahahaha... For that, thanks You- thank you for being part of my life- YOU ARE everything i wanted in a guy and NO LIE~ Maybe to to the world, you mean nothing; but to me~You mean the world.(remember that)...  

"No matter what we do" 

   HoneyBooBoo, i will always have a place for you in my heart. However far away, I will always love you. However long you stay, I will always love you. Whatever words I say, I will always love you... Just remember, i am the company you want to keep LOL...

LOVE & Everything In Between...!

I don't understand why most people only think about romance on Valentine's Day...

_Should it just be romantic 365 days of the year???

*Rosemonde Gerard has once said ~"for you see, each day I love you more today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow."~For this quote alone- I think we all should celebrate LOVE every single day!!!

_Nevertheless; to me, love doesn't hurt and love is not a loosing game. LOVE is a game that two can play and both win. PERIOD... Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each others but instead, looking outward together in the same direction.

***FYI- I don't really care about how people telling me that i am too easy to fall in love then break-up and got my heart broken~ WELL, I ratter have loved and lost than never have loved at all!!! Love is an important thing a person can and must have to be a better person physically and emotionally. WHY? - It's simply because Love cures people; both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it. I do believe in some love lasts a lifetime and yet "true love" lasts FOREVER!!! :)

_"Within you, I lose myself. Without you, I find myself wanting to be lost again."-Unknown

To sum it all up~ I think What the world really needs is more LOVE~ and everyone of us needs to embrace it, appreciate it and celebrate it everyday of ours life...

HAPPY VALENTINE' to All

ONCE~my OWN!

Who doesn't like New York, they certainly have done nothing yet!!!

I have been here for almost 20 years and I'm loving every second of it... NYC ROCK!

I remember when I was 22 and my first apartment in Manhattan; it was the very first time I felt like I'm finally becoming independent and doing what I like.

...Yet, I was young n wanted to explore NYC on my own and to see and do the things that I couldn't when I was younger~ and guess what? Follow your honest convictions, and stay strong~ and that was the BEST thing I have ever done; moved to New York.

Anyhow, back to my story; as a teen, I always wanted to live in the East Village when im older. WHY the EV? You may ask!!! Well, the EV is one of the most charming villages, friendly and full of energy(I love being around with such positive vibe) I finally have found my first studio on 13 street between 3rd and 4th Avenue- that was such a wonderful feeling because I have made it on my own.

**My fav thing there was having a cup of hot chocolate in the East Village at a hipster cafe where even the napkins are organic.**

Two week after settled in my new studio, I began to hunt for jobs in order to survive and continue my dream!!!- Luckily, my sister called and asked if I want a job at a wholesale Diamond company- Hell yea!!!... I then went for an interview with the owner, got hire at a front desk(receptionist/shipping)

Now, my life began to slowly getting where I wanted to be~ A nine to five kinda job and living it on my own~ FREEDOM is HAPPINESS and yet, I have found my happiness!!!

~ Before I even know, I have had make and became friend with so many great people in the wildest city of all. Nevertheless, out of those I adored and admired; I have yet met A one trueful friend whom I call"BFF" (I knew from the start that ours friendship will last forever) and YES, we are still BEST FRIEND! :D I LOVE YOU MR. Tan!!!

... What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself only because I was surrounding by great, happy, successful and most of all, motivated friends~ I will never forget the day I started it on my own and the days spending with you all!!!

TO BE CONT...

MoRe WriTinG aGaiN...

Wow, it been awhile...

I haven't write much lately(relationship, family,work ect..)

*Tonight, I am coming back!!! YES, im coming back for a lot more...because just like seaweed; even if you have pushed it away, you will not prevent it from coming back.

To me, writing is HEAVEN. Writing is a knowledge; and the number one thing I am earnestly attracted to is intelligence...

WHY do writers write?

...simply just because it isn't there. :)

I write because because I have something to say- A need to create an alternative world; Forget all the rules, write for myselfe and celebrate it...

...Sometimes, i just close the door and write with no one looking over my shoulder. I don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from me- Instead, i figure out what I have to say!

~by saying that; it's not because i don't respect other's thoughts and opinions- It's only because my purpose is to entertain myself first and other people secondly.

**My fav quote of all time**

"Writing makes no noise, except groans, and it can be done everywhere, and it is done alone."

~Ursula K. LeGuin

... Hahaha so there you have it; I AM COMING BACK FOR MORE!!!

Please enjoy and I will post some more real soon!

Thank You:

LOVE

Who's good? Who's bad?

As children, many of us were taught never to talk to strangers!!!

For me, there are no my people and strangers, no bad people and good people. All people are equal for me...
Who's my boyfriend? or my great ex-lovers? they WERE all strangers to me at first...

I haven't lost faith in human nature and I haven't decided to be less compassionate to strangers.
Know who you with is the best way of how i see a stranger to me... but yet "everyone is equal"
...I think, especially in our business we meet a lot of people, and sometimes you spend so much time being nice to strangers, and so, you know, keeping a clear head and just being nice to each other. And that's all the advice I can give.

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. Everyday, I saw New Yorkers, complete strangers, they hold door for each others, they say "thank you" to each others and they even sharing a cab ride...

I am not saying that we have to completely trust strangers... just treat them equally.

Nevertheless, sometimes... when I see a person like with disability and still be brave; it's such a wonderful motivation for me in life... for example: A few days ago, i saw a stranger with a leg Syndrome and couldn't walk normal. However, he was so well dress and the most styles young man i seen(from head to toe)... As he passed by and away...but i couldn't stop looking and i was admiring and adored him!!! :)))

Just remember this- There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven't yet met.

LOVE

We so Far GONE...

I didn't walk away because i don't need a friend...

I was walking away because I was tired of fooling myself into thinking that what we had was something like a "friendship"... I got it all WRONG!

I tried to give in, always was being honest and open...but little do i know It's a waste of my times. However, if all those words you said to me actually meant something, maybe we wouldn't be standing where we are today. I thought we were best friends and best friends are there for each others... up and down, happy times, sad times...Sorry but u didnt make me feel that way!

Nevertheless...

Now i know the real you and who you are as a person-
- A person I DO NOT want to grow old with.
You are not a someone i wanna share my life with. You are just not a good friend material...and yet U R too protected nothing but yourself....

...Hate me or love me, both are in my favor. If you love me, I'll always be in your heart; but if you hate me, I'll always be on your mind. I always believe things happens for a reason. You are the reason i chose to be happy or at least not when im around you... God bless you. I don't hate you....your soul is yours. I know mine. :


I don't regret that i met you. i don't regret what we did together... I just regret that it took me this long to realize you are not the one. :)



Something has to change...

BREATHING again...

just another ordinary boy.

Many nights ago, I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I was still reaching
Even though I knew you were not there
I was playing back a thousand memories…
Thought about all the good and the bad
Maybe I was going back too much of the time
When I still had you

I can honestly say…

You were on my mind
I looked at your photo all the time
These memories came back to life
And I didn’t mind
Too many… like when we hugged & kissed
I felt your arms and lips on my skin
The time that we spoke for hours and never noticed that time passed !
and all the simple things at home, at the markets, at the theaters ect…
I remembered and I cried...
But the one thing I wanted to do is
the memories, I wanted to forget!

I did I did, goodbye... cause I’m finally not hearing my heart beating for YOU, no more.

P.S: it’s funny how when you finally get over someone, you start seeing them in a whole new perspective. It’s like you’re looking at them through the eyes of your best friend; & you realize; he’s nothing special. He’s just another ordinary boy.

SHOULD NOT matter

These names: Gay, queer, homosexual... those were words that frightened me, but no more!

Discovering i'm gay just sort of happened later in my late teen...being intimate with any woman never entered my mind, but i do believe that when you fall in love with somebody, you can't control that! and it does not matter or should not matters. It's a feeling, the feeling of wanted to love and be love; gay, straight or bi... we all human. period.

We all know how difficult it is to come out as openly gay, whether to family or other loved ones. Many sad stories, including the "Teens-suicide and the bullying" I wish these gay-teens able to live old enough so they can be strong enough to know and see it for themselves that nothing wrong with being gay. When I was 17, it wasn't easy for me throght out my High School years. I was so afraid of attending the gym class. My classmates would call me names like "faggat", "homo" and sometimes, they just pushed me as if i was their toy in the locker room... I remember the feeling- like i wanted to die cos i thought i was weird, no one like me and did not know what to do. However, the only one thing i knew was to promise myself to be strong and at least I need to finish and get my H.S diplomat so one day I am able to go to college, meet new friends and I did. I gratugrated high school, went to Community college, met many friends, smart, happy and open minded people who understand me. I, now working at a very successful diamonds company as a Gemologist. I am not a millionare but i am so proud of myself and I know my family too is very proud of me. I am so happy that I didn't chose the dead end road. I wish i can bring those innocent teens who killed themselves, I want to bring them back to where I was 17, as young as them and as scared as them. I want to show them that sometimes in life, we must give ourselves a chance, a chance to live...a chance to be who you are, be with those who understand you and it will gets better.

Nevertheless, these bullying need to STOP!!! We don't need to see another young innocent boy or girl broke into tears or perhalf to end his or her life for just being himself/herself. Together, we can do this, please, for all gay-teens out there, live happy and live OLD enough, be strong...It will gets BETTER.

Goodbye SummeR

Summer has always been considered to be the most romantic of the four seasons. the clear skies, the blazing sun, the gentle summer breeze, the lazy afternoons...and of course, the warm passionate love...

Goodbye summer, goodbye summer... the leaves fall and listen to the wind is rising and the air is wild with leaves...We have had ours summer evening, now for October eves!!!... I don't feel the "passionate warm" of summer any longer...could it be? could it be- because of the summer is over?

I speak and I speak...and my lips feel cold

Goodbye summer, Goodbye Summer...

I wish you were here

Miss you, my Summer Love

FAMILY

This morning, I woke up and wanted to write about my family.

No matter what happen in your life...whenever you look back at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses!
*I don't care how poor a Man is; if he has family, he's rich :)

To me, my family is everything to me. I love my parents. I love my sisters. I love my brothers. They are the greatest gifts I ever have and thanks GOD for giving me a house with full of the people I love love- AMEN.

-My Mom was the most amazing woman in my life.(mom passed away 10 yrs ago) she was my best friend and she was my beautiful lady. She taugh me so much, how to be a good person and and have the respect for others. I will never forget the things she said to me.
Here is once of her most memorial words... "whatever they grow up to be,they are still ours children and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything that all except that they are ours children"
I love you Mom!!!

-My father too is my best friend, my idol and "A MAN" of ours home. He's strong but yet he's also a very caring person I have ever met. He never one asked me or any of my sibbling for anything in return. The only thing he asked of us is to love ours mom. Nevertheless, the only thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother...and he did it really well. Until today, he never re-married and very happy to be arround his own family. PRAVO DAD, great job. I love you as much as I love mom.

*I can go on and on about my sisters and brother...but lets just say, they are my blood my soul and they mean the world to me. Without them, I will not be a person i am today. Thanks guys. thanks for took care of me and thanks for always being there.

I LOVE MY FAMILY.

CHANCES & CHANGES

Sometimes, you have to forgive and forget... cos every passing moment is a chance to to turn it all around, and to feel again...and yet, it's hard to take chances but it's better if you DO.
Tomorrow isn't a promise...it's a chance.

No matter who you are? or how strong you are... It's okay to get hurt because only then, you learn and you grow from it!
I, myself, I rather do something and find out that it was the wrong thing, than ever know if it was the right thing...
I have had been in-love. I loved him so much that I couldn't let him go...He was my love, my hate, my heartache, my everything; but at the end I did let him go...cos sometimes, on the way to a dream, you get lost and find a better one-
By saying that, I mean sometimes a person you thought you knew...start becoming the stranger you never wanted... but life must goes on.
All of the above, life is full of surprises...but you have to open them hoping for the very BEST.

Take care of yourself. Give yourself a chance and don't be afraid of a change...

Life

My formular for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night...and in between, I occupy myself as best as i can!

WHY?... cos as far as I concern, we will never be happy if we continue to search for what happines consists of and we will never live if we are looking for the meaning of life....nonetheless, I know what things are good in my life: friendship, work and conversation. these I shall have. :)

However, in life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and of course, a unforgettable LOVE.

...To succeed in life, we must need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone...

*In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:

"Life goes on"

Summer Days

When you see lot of flip flops, lemonades, bathing suites and ice creams...yupp, the summer is here...

Yet, summer is hot... yet, summer is lovely and yet, Summer is very sexy...

As much as i love New York City, I also love to go to places where i can find lot n lots of palm trees and clear blue water. Miami is one of my favorite cities. I used to flied down there every summer for about 3-4 days. Miami is a fun city. I love getting myself tan(dark) while swimming in the deep blue ocean of South Florida. When the night comes, I would head downtown and some other times would love hanging out on Lincoln Road. Along the lincoln Road, there's many shop, foods, theaters,and bars.(good ones)

However, this year, i'm thinking of visiting San Francisco in July for maybe a week with some of my very good friends.

...To be continue...

favorites

Sex Lies Gossip- VS -Funny Adventure Heroes

If

What If?

-I'm stop thinking of you?
-I meet someone else?
-We both move on?
-I run into you a year from today?
-We will never meet again?
-You ring my door bell tonight?
-The break-up was the wrong choice we both made?
-I haven't met you yet?
-You have moved in and lived with me?
-I still live in Woodside?
-We didn't break-up?
-I can never stop loving you?
-You read this post?
-You change your mind?
-I find myself missing you in the middle of movies?
-I want you by my side when I'm riding an early morning train back to Brooklyn?
-I don't see you @the restaurant where we used to go to?
-Everything is too late?...

...What If???

About me!

Hair color? Background? Habbit? Name? Gender? Race?

Let skip all those and put them somewhere safe...But, I am many things like a...

-Son
-Brother
-Lover
-Dreamer
-Loyal friend
-Poet
-Thinker
-Imperfect
-Artist
-Boyfriend
-Moody
-Romantic
-Loving
-Open minded
-Searching
-Fearful
-Worrier
-Lonely
-Happy
-Impatient
-Misunderstood
-Understanding
-Scarred
-Hopeful

...But most of all, I AM A SURVIVOR...

BECOME

Let's see!

Growing up is fun and full of memories. I remember a place... a town... a house like a lot of houses... a yard I used to play as a child, and a street I walked to school every afternoon... , after all these years, I sill look back... with wonder WHAT IF OR HOW these things changed or stay the same as they were??
But at the end, we are all hold on to things that were and wonder what's to come???
...Time passes us by quickly, and then time to let go of what has been, and look ahead to what will be. Other days. New days. Days to come.
One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that? The answer is "just YOU" you have grown up. :)
My dad always says "Too many people, too many troubles with the world, Well I won't do no trouble" so, that's kind of reminding me everyday how to become and be a better person. And As we grow better, we will meet better people and for that, I like to define myself as a person who has grown up; but not growing old.

...More to come in life...

WISHES

*This special blog is for my lovely friends- Nicole, Chance, Glenn, Jimmy and Madi-Son...

I actually do believe that WE can learn new things at any time in our life if we're willing to be a beginners.
I will not say it's as easy as A B C...but If we actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to us; just remember, anything happens for a good reason; even in your"love life"

Sometimes, the place or situation may seem like the end but please do not forget,it's also the beginning of a new start because the world is round after all :)

Nevertheless, in my country, we do believe that New Years is consider a new beginning. We practice and enjoy the words of wisdom about New Years:-- We will open the book and its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves, any word or words that you wish for and wanted them to become yours reality... The book is called "The Opportunity".
Its first chapter begins on the first day of New Year Eve, and it continutes throught-out the 10th of the second week of febuary.
Many many people practiced and followed and many many wishes do come true. Sometimes, we gotta believe in what we wish for because when you really believe in something...it's like a motivation to push yourself to make it happen!!!
Don't give up, keep on fighting till you get there. Just like Oprah Winfrey once has said "Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right"

*So to all my Darling, Let this up coming year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you've always wanted to do but couldn't find the time.

Love you always,

OUT

I guess I've always known I was gay. I realize that it is something I always knew, sort of a silent understanding with myself, but life went on, and growing up I never made it a big issue. I felt different from a very early age...I didn't have feeling for girls other than close friends, but whenever I saw a cute guy, I would feel extremely attracted to them. I had always known that I liked men. I knew I liked their bodies. When I was 19, I saw Dima(Russian boy) for the first time, I saw him from across the room and I knew I like him a lot. I looked at his dark hair, green eyes wonderful 19 year old body (he was in my English class) and I knew. I felt like I could see through to his soul, that we could really feel each other. But at the end, we never talked about how I felt toward him. He was totally straight boy. I graduated and never saw him again...

I came out to my sisters about a week ago.They are all very supportive. My dad is sad because he thinks me being with a girl would be more beneficial, I haven't exactly said, but he knows. My mom passed away but i think she would be sad too because I don't think she wants people to know she has a gay son. They still love me, I am the same guy they raised, and I try to make them proud in other ways. I think that sometimes the hardest thing is to accept yourself, but once you do, it will make you happier. I remind myself everyday that it is not wrong to love another human being. God put us on this earth to love, we should be proud we can love just as strong as anyone else, if not stronger. Coming out to friends and family is a huge step. I feel it is good to make sure the timing is right. Even waiting til your out of the house and on your own, unless you feel it would be better for you to do it sooner. I just know that with me, coming out at the age that I did is lots better than in the last 10 years for many reasons.

Coming out is not an easy thing to do, but, it's way better than stay in the closet for the rest of yours life.... Keep your chin up! Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.

xoxo

LETTING GO

Letting go is one of the hardest lessons in life...

BUT...

In life, there's many things that we have to learn to let go. We have to let go of situations, things, memories, people and even ourselves. However, there are times where you or that person has changed to the extent that it's necessary to let go of the relationship or friendship, so that each of you can fulfill your life path; and it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming. Nevertheless, I think Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be. Some people may think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go. :)

*I personally agree that there are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.

*I also strongly think that when I'm letting go of the person whom i love very much, I never leave him /her behind, I take a part of them with me and leave a part of myself behind.

***Here are some inspiration from these letting go quotes!***

-Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.-- Oprah Winfrey

-The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there's gold in letting go of them.-- John Seely Brown

-When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.--
Lao Tzu